Tuesday, July 5, 2011

Innocence. Is it Actually Possible?

Dear God, I changed my mind. Thanks anyways though. Amen
 So the other day, I was feeling up for a bit of purity, so I decided to put pencil to paper (which is extremely unusual nowadays, I mean, who writes anymore?) and penned a letter to a particular higher-up. My writing went something like this:
Dear Heavenly Father, or GOD, or Allah, or whatever you're going by nowadays...
Oh dear...well, this isn't going too well.
Let's try again:
To Whom it May Concern.

Dear Mr Whom,
I have a confession to make. I hope you will listen to this and clean out my conscience for me, since a normal, soapy bath didn't seem to work.
You see, starting last week, I went on a serial-killing spree. I would wake up and think only about killing. I couldn't get the evil thought out of my mind. When I was brushing my teeth, I killed. As I was eating breakfast (milk and cookies, the dunking kept causing the cookie to break, so I ended up with cookie porridge in milk - oh, don't laugh, I'm sure you've done it too), I killed. When I was in the loo, I killed (sorry, was that too much information?). The thing was, I couldn't stop, and I realized I enjoyed killing.
So now, about a hundred dozen later, I decided to turn to you for help.
Dearest Mr. Whom. What should I do?
Signed: I Can't stop Killing.
Life Complications ~ Part 23


Now now, before you go off and call the police on me, hear me out.

You see, just earlier this year, we were taught about what made up a "living creature". The scientific aspects of living things were drilled into our heads, the essence of which was: "all cells make up living things".
Simply speaking, if it's made of cells, it's a living thing. Or, as Frankenstein (the scientist, not the resultant monster) so aptly said: It's ALIVE!

Yes, that's right.
According to science (or the version of it that exists in our rather outdated textbooks), anything that is made up of any number of cells and can reproduce will be considered to be a living thing.

How does this explain my murderous intent and activity for the last few days?
Simple.

Professional reenactment - via used tissue plushies
NOTE: No tissues were harmed in the staging of this photo
You see, I had the great luck to get sick on a sunny week. Apart from a brain-splitting headache and a sore throat, I also had what's commonly referred to as "the stuffy nose". In other words, I had a backlog of mucus camping out somewhere in my respiratory system, drinking and partying all night long. Now, generally speaking, I consider my respiratory system as an area where no loitering is allowed. You get in, do what needs doing, and you get out, yes sirree, all within 30 minutes, if possible. I would put up No Loitering signs along my windpipe, but I'm still not sure what language these buggers can read, so I haven't done that yet.

Now, if you've ever gotten the stuffy nose, you probably know what I'm talking about. There's this underlying psychological need to clear the runway for the sole purpose of inhaling, so you can probably imagine the tissues I've nosed my way through and the trumpeting noise the house has been putting up with for the last while. But no matter how many boxes of tissues I go through, I can't seem to get these offending buggers out of my system. It's a battle, with no end in sight.

Now, if you were to think about it (although I can understand why you probably won't want to, since it's sticky and icky and generally not pleasant), mucus is made out of cells. Horrible cells, but still cells nonetheless. The fact that I seem to have blown out more mucus than my lungs can house probably means that these guys had a little too much to drink and have been sleeping around. They reproduce faster than the time it takes for me to pull out another tissue from the box. So are they alive? Dr. Frankenstein would agree.

Yes, I've been killing mucus for the last week. My weapon was 3 tissue boxes, used simultaneously. Guilty as charged. Although, since I've pleaded guilty (and even went to confession!), I should be able to secure a second-degree murder sentence, so don't worry guys, I'll still be back to blog when I'm done my 100 years in jail.

All together now! Ready, set, DAWWWWWWW
Used tissue plushie = cuter than the real thing
While I sit on my cell bed and munch jail food (which I've heard is actually pretty gourmet. I just hope they'll let me eat with chopsticks), allow me to leave y'all something to think about:
Is it actually possible to be innocent?

If all children are born innocent, then they probably lose that innocence the first time they begin a killing spree on Earth: when your newborn first contract a cold and sneeze.

It's confession time!
What are you guilty of?

Today's Surroundings: Crumple Tissue Mountains
Today's Object: Empty Tissue Boxes
Today's Color: Mucus-Green

Now I just gotta figure out where to send this letter to. Maybe I should have emailed him after all.

PS: You asked for pictures, so I'm here to give you pictures! :) Thanks for taking part in the feedback poll!

24 comments:

  1. Complex Post. This enter helped me in my college assignment. Thnaks Alot

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  2. @Anonymous

    Glad to help! Good luck on that assignment!

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  3. Have you ever considered adding more videos to your blog posts to keep the readers more entertained? I mean I just read through the entire article of yours and it was quite good but since Im more of a visual learner,I found that to be more helpful well let me know how it turns out! I love what you guys are always up too. Such clever work and reporting! Keep up the great works guys Ive added you guys to my blogroll. This is a great article thanks for sharing this informative information.. I will visit your blog regularly for some latest post.

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  4. @ Anonymous

    Thanks for sticking to the post till the end, as I do tend to write too much! :) I have thought about adding videos, but I never seem to find anything relevant to the post topic. I'll keep trying though!
    Thanks for the comment!

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  5. seriously? it's kinda funny but i was having the same thought for the past three day. i literally want to kill someone (and i was killing the person for the past three days in my head.) the person's dead now... in my head. hahaha. :) hey visit my blog at http://a-muggle-story.blogspot.com/

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  6. @ Trish

    Haha :) What can I say? Great minds think alike XD
    Thanks for reading!

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  7. Your post is so cool and the image you added to this makes it a bit funny!!!What I can say:I love your articles:))Good luck;)

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  8. @ M.C

    Thanks for the compliment! I'm glad you're enjoying the photos :) Thanks for reading!

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  9. I loved this article. Keep up the good work

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  10. @ Anonymous
    Haha, thanks ;D

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  11. @ Anonymous
    You're quite welcome! Thank YOU for reading!

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  12. ahaha great post! made me laugh but also question the things you think of on a daily basis... haha
    keep up the great work!
    I just started blogging so it would mean the world if you or anyone else checked out my blog!
    www.wadduprachel.blogspot.com
    -rachel

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  13. haha thank goodness i kept on reading, this is my first time viewing your blog, anyways pretty funny and thoughtful i guess this makes me now a follower of your blog :) check mine out when you get the chance (i'm new)

    marybby-s2.blogspot.com

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  14. How creative! I enjoyed your post, thanks for sharing. :)

    ♥.•*¨Elizabeth¨*•.♥
    Can Alex save Winter from the darkness that hunts her?
    YA Paranormal Romance, Darkspell coming fall of 2011!

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  15. Thought I would comment and say neat theme, did you make it for yourself? It's really awesome!

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  16. Hahaha too funny :) I am so fallowing you...and aw cute plushies...great post!

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  17. Hi there! I know this is somewhat off topic but I was wondering if you knew where I could get a captcha plugin for my comment form? I'm using the same blog platform as yours and I'm having difficulty finding one? Thanks a lot!

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  18. Thanks for all the comments, guys <3

    @Ms.Mueller
    You do not know how happy I am to learn that an actual author read this post! You've totally made my day!

    @Cely_Belly
    Thanks! I hope you'll enjoy!

    @Anonymous
    Captcha comes with Blogger, but I only remember how to get it from the old settings. Now that Blogger has changed how Dashboard looks, I can't seem to find it anymore. But if you go to the Help Forums, I'm sure someone will be able to help you out. I'm sorry i couldn't be of more assistance.

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  19. This was great! Made me smile! Love the blog

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  20. ts pretty nice..the pic is so apt!

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  21. Your post made my sulky mood cheery.

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  22. Funny blog.

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A penny for your thoughts?